Thursday, January 20, 2011

I think I'm Due

For another check in that is -

Not like THAT silly - not yet anyway.

Well it's 2011 and I'm still working at Arcadian Lighting and figuring out my next move and accepting the fact that I'm an adult and became so through a very different series of events than I originally imagined.

Christmas was lovely and meltdown free amazingly. I think that was the greatest Christmas present of all truthfully. We all had low expectations and really just wanted to spend time with each other and that's what we did. Nick and I settled down with dad and watched his Star Trek - the KLINGON years DVD and ate yummy fattening food and it was grand. New Years went by much the same way.

There's been a series of entrances and exits on the friend scene. One of my roommates moved out because she's a medical student and a slave to her rotation schedule so around October we had a few fleeting days to get her moved out, me moved out of my room and into hers and our new roommate, Julie, into my old room. There was a flurry of paint and chair and bed shuffling and books and books and books. It was hilariously insane. I like my newly transformed room though. And not everyone has built in book cases, a bay window, a fireplace (that works) and their own private bath on the top of a hill I tell ya. I'm a blessed girl and my blood pressure goes down every time I come in my room.

The room is still not done by a long shot. Tiffy and I still have to build a faux mantle piece and I need to get a few rugs that match my bedding and blah blah blah expensive monies for pretties etc. Finished or not, I really love having a place that's for me. That's in the colors I love and with room for all my books. It's just ... nice.

We threw a bender of a Halloween party and tried to throw a Fancy Dance Slow Dance Christmas party complete with dance cards ala "Meet Me in St. Louis" but it fell on a bad day so we only had a few show but it was still very nice and relaxing.

My friend Stephanie, who served her mission in Italy, and I have decided to make a 2 week trip to Rome in October of this year. I've been doing the budget and getting ready and am all kinds of excited. I had a dentist apt this week addressing an abscessed tooth that will cost me exactly what it's also going to cost me to go to Rome but I'm not going to give up on the trip. Even if I have to get a second job I've got a date with Bernini this Fall come hell or high water.

However that same dentist apt landed me with a singularly swollen face, and Rxs for two different kinds of painkillers and some antibiotics. I don't know what more I can do. I floss regularly, use a mouth wash and a floridator. It's been a while since my last dentist visit because I haven't been covered (and barely am now - why does dental work cost so much and why does insurance barely cover anything?!). However, part of being an adult is taking care of yourself so you can take care of others. My teeth falling out of my mouth won't serve anyone, least of all me.

Being an adult also means being honest about things. Especially about what you're good at and what you're not and what would make the best living. At this juncture, I'm having to plan out a life on my own - buying my own house and settling my own retirement etc which means that whatever career I choose isn't just for my own edification and/or entertainment, it needs to be financially sound. I never EVER thought that I'd be sitting around my room when I was 32 still contemplating what I wanted to be when I grew up but here I am/was and I've concluded the following.

I had the inkling to be a designer. It's something I'm passionate about and very good at - however, in terms of actually providing for me its on the unreliable side.

I used to envy people that were so painstakingly good at something that their future job and life was just clear for them and it was just a matter of taking the steps and getting the schooling. I haven't felt like I've had that luxury of *knowing*. But then, after a Sunday that I was substituting in a class it hit me like my pair of glasses I rip appart my whole bed to find only to see them 6" away from me on the night stand. Teaching - I'm a damned good teacher, a natural one even. I've put away the idea of teaching a number of times because I wanted something more exciting but it keeps crawling out of the drawer and back into my line of sight. I think now, I've finally realized that not only is it something I'm good at but also the most financially sound. There isn't a lot of money in teaching but there certainly will always be a job for a teacher.

So if I'm going to retire at 65 (like I want to get on my next mission) then I need to get settled somewhere within the next 3 years. Which means finishing my teaching credential soon. So that's what I'm working on. Finally.

I'm kind of terrified that I'll go through the credentialing process and get into the classroom and find that I'm not as good as I thought I would be like I was with singing. I sang and sang and sang in high school and at church and trained privately and was told on all accounts that I was good but when I went into the music program at college to make a real go of it I was told I was painfully ordinary and it's best not to make too lofty goals for myself. It shattered me in a lot of ways and I'm still recovering.

I thought I was a good student too. I figured because I was that working full time and school full time would be doable. And I did get through my degree eventually but not with the GPA I thought I'd have. Adulthood is kind of this journey of finding out how extraordinary you aren't and having to persevere in a very difficult world anyway and finding that that perseverance is what makes you exceptional not accolades or cushioned bank accounts or flashy rides or loads of talent. I value the fact that I can keep going, and have, much more commendable than all that. I haven't given up and I won't.

What were some of your trail markers and milestones with "growing up" or being and adult?