I think I'm Due

For another check in that is -

Not like THAT silly - not yet anyway.

Well it's 2011 and I'm still working at Arcadian Lighting and figuring out my next move and accepting the fact that I'm an adult and became so through a very different series of events than I originally imagined.

Christmas was lovely and meltdown free amazingly. I think that was the greatest Christmas present of all truthfully. We all had low expectations and really just wanted to spend time with each other and that's what we did. Nick and I settled down with dad and watched his Star Trek - the KLINGON years DVD and ate yummy fattening food and it was grand. New Years went by much the same way.

There's been a series of entrances and exits on the friend scene. One of my roommates moved out because she's a medical student and a slave to her rotation schedule so around October we had a few fleeting days to get her moved out, me moved out of my room and into hers and our new roommate, Julie, into my old room. There was a flurry of paint and chair and bed shuffling and books and books and books. It was hilariously insane. I like my newly transformed room though. And not everyone has built in book cases, a bay window, a fireplace (that works) and their own private bath on the top of a hill I tell ya. I'm a blessed girl and my blood pressure goes down every time I come in my room.







The room is still not done by a long shot. Tiffy and I still have to build a faux mantle piece and I need to get a few rugs that match my bedding and blah blah blah expensive monies for pretties etc. Finished or not, I really love having a place that's for me. That's in the colors I love and with room for all my books. It's just ... nice.

We threw a bender of a Halloween party and tried to throw a Fancy Dance Slow Dance Christmas party complete with dance cards ala "Meet Me in St. Louis" but it fell on a bad day so we only had a few show but it was still very nice and relaxing.

My friend Stephanie, who served her mission in Italy, and I have decided to make a 2 week trip to Rome in October of this year. I've been doing the budget and getting ready and am all kinds of excited. I had a dentist apt this week addressing an abscessed tooth that will cost me exactly what it's also going to cost me to go to Rome but I'm not going to give up on the trip. Even if I have to get a second job I've got a date with Bernini this Fall come hell or high water.

However that same dentist apt landed me with a singularly swollen face, and Rxs for two different kinds of painkillers and some antibiotics. I don't know what more I can do. I floss regularly, use a mouth wash and a floridator. It's been a while since my last dentist visit because I haven't been covered (and barely am now - why does dental work cost so much and why does insurance barely cover anything?!). However, part of being an adult is taking care of yourself so you can take care of others. My teeth falling out of my mouth won't serve anyone, least of all me.

Being an adult also means being honest about things. Especially about what you're good at and what you're not and what would make the best living. At this juncture, I'm having to plan out a life on my own - buying my own house and settling my own retirement etc which means that whatever career I choose isn't just for my own edification and/or entertainment, it needs to be financially sound. I never EVER thought that I'd be sitting around my room when I was 32 still contemplating what I wanted to be when I grew up but here I am/was and I've concluded the following.

I had the inkling to be a designer. It's something I'm passionate about and very good at - however, in terms of actually providing for me its on the unreliable side.

I used to envy people that were so painstakingly good at something that their future job and life was just clear for them and it was just a matter of taking the steps and getting the schooling. I haven't felt like I've had that luxury of *knowing*. But then, after a Sunday that I was substituting in a class it hit me like my pair of glasses I rip appart my whole bed to find only to see them 6" away from me on the night stand. Teaching - I'm a damned good teacher, a natural one even. I've put away the idea of teaching a number of times because I wanted something more exciting but it keeps crawling out of the drawer and back into my line of sight. I think now, I've finally realized that not only is it something I'm good at but also the most financially sound. There isn't a lot of money in teaching but there certainly will always be a job for a teacher.

So if I'm going to retire at 65 (like I want to get on my next mission) then I need to get settled somewhere within the next 3 years. Which means finishing my teaching credential soon. So that's what I'm working on. Finally.

I'm kind of terrified that I'll go through the credentialing process and get into the classroom and find that I'm not as good as I thought I would be like I was with singing. I sang and sang and sang in high school and at church and trained privately and was told on all accounts that I was good but when I went into the music program at college to make a real go of it I was told I was painfully ordinary and it's best not to make too lofty goals for myself. It shattered me in a lot of ways and I'm still recovering.

I thought I was a good student too. I figured because I was that working full time and school full time would be doable. And I did get through my degree eventually but not with the GPA I thought I'd have. Adulthood is kind of this journey of finding out how extraordinary you aren't and having to persevere in a very difficult world anyway and finding that that perseverance is what makes you exceptional not accolades or cushioned bank accounts or flashy rides or loads of talent. I value the fact that I can keep going, and have, much more commendable than all that. I haven't given up and I won't.

What were some of your trail markers and milestones with "growing up" or being and adult?

Checking in

After conversing with some besties on the subject, I think that it's time to give my poor dusty blog some love. I miss writing and, as narcissistic as a blog is in reality and theory, I do have a lot to say. Also, it's free and I find myself rather witty so I should make time.

I've had a number of ideas for posts:
Why I'm finally convinced that Disneyland is loosing it's soul
A nostalgic ode to the Huntington Library and why it defines awesome
My live music addiction
The new addition at work and my new glorious spot under the skylight and reason #4589 why my bosses rock
My new definition of "friends"
My opinion on LDS men and their frustrating discontents
My new-found terror at turning 32
My new abode
The utterly inadequate lighting in my new abode
My amazing new roommates in my new abode
Why life with a dog is different, better, and necessary
My new Life Hacks
My first Las Vegas wedding and my first night in the Paris Casino
My current obsession with Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Why Christopher Noland or Danny Boyle should direct every movie ever
... and a whole lot more.

But for now I think I'll just check in since it's been half of forever.

Firstly, to get that white-hot burning question of yours out of the way - no I am not dating anyone. No one is calling, no one has Facebooked, no one is texting, no one is asking about me and I don't have anyone in mind. I'm an involuntary Mormon Nun in training and there isn't much I can do about it. It makes me sad and I kind of hate talking about it.

Yes, both my visiting teachers are happily coupled girls, one of whom is engaged just in case I needed more reminders of my solo state I'm resigned to being pathetic in the matters of the heart and have healthfully turned my devotions to celebrities, personal hygiene, stray animals, dust bunny mitigation, CostCo deals, and Masterpiece Theater. You know, like every other forgotten 30+ single lady of substance.

I had a Wily E. Coyote moment today when I was cleaning up the dishes from dinner, being home alone. Both of my rommies are currently out of state on their respective summery galavants and I have been sans domestic company. About 3 nights ago when I was warming up some healthful taquitos I heard some shirty meeeowing at my screen door and I almost jumped out of my skin because there, on my porch, in the dusky sunlight was a yellow eyed, grey Persian mixed cat that looked EXACTLY like the cat I had growing up who had passed away a one-eyed, weathered, battle ax of a cat a few years ago. Yet here was her bright and brisky reincarnate at my door saying hello. Well, she was asking for food but I took it as a “hello”. I promptly gave her some of my taquito and we sat on the porch together for a tic. I just finished a book about Egyptian gods and looked at her yellow eyes and decided that The Universe (read: God) recognized that I was sans domestic company (my roommate even took the dog on her galavants. I mean, I know he is hers and all but seriously, leaving me with only fish for company… There was much sadness in the land.) I decided the cat was trying to be my friend and protect me till my people got back home. Cats were pretty badass per the Egyptians and the Egyptians knew their stuff.

Fast forward to my Wile E Coyote moment today… I was doing dishes and had put out some food for Temporary Kitty Friend and I noticed some more furry type activity out of the corner of my eye. Apparently she has a litter of 4 adorable kittens that she had brought for dinner as well. It was sweet for a moment. They’re kittens after all and then *boing* It hit me… the kitties, the conspicuous lack of partner or company, the catching up on NPR while drying my dishes in an overly tiled kitchen – I’d become the Cat Lady. I immediately turned on some obnoxious Lady Gaga or something and raced to my friend’s house but… um… yeah.

Moral of the Story: Don’t be too nice to memories from your Childhood. They could only be there to strap you to the wall of your Worst Fears. Fight the Power and fix your pets.

In other news: Work is going well. We've had a bit of a drop off in traffic on the website but we've learned that it's an industry trend and not just us thankfully. We're still holding strong in the black and the new website www.DesignShuffle.com is taking off well. A bit slower than we hoped but strong things are built bit by bit right?

I recently went shopping with my boss and a few coworkers at the LA Mart and California Gift Show for new vendors for our home goods website www.ArcadianHome.com. We have a bunch of home goods vendors right now but we were shopping for some more textiles and larger dollar items that could bring in more revenue for the same amount of footwork. Throughout the twelve stories of the LA Mart and 3.5 acres of vendors at the LA Convention Center I caught myself drooling over more than one rug or two but saw more pieces of pottery, glass, pot holders, stationary, stuffed whattuzits, curly potpourried whirlydoos and stamped and scrap booked cutsieflangles to do me for a lifetime. I’m convinced now, more than ever, that Americans have entirely too many THINGS, love THINGS, need THINGS, and pay a lot for THINGS and as such the market for THINGS is huge and silly. But it’s what gives me a paycheck every two weeks so I can buy my own set of things that I somehow don’t think apply to the rest of the things that are contemptible. Life is fair like that.

My hair is till red. I still love it. I finally found a girl I trust to do my red that isn’t my cousin that lives a rather inconvenient 800 miles away. She is the best I’ve ever come across but my new girl is also quite good, local, part of a family I adore, and moderately priced. Again, The Universe cares about the details of my life and knows I feel much better about it in red hair so he gave me someone who can do red. Because, frankly, red is not easy. And neither am I so we’re a perfect match.

There is a lot more going on but I’m sleepy I need to save some of my modestly entertaining life to blog about later.

But for the time being, think on this…

Who was the first Cat Lady? How did the idea first get it’s stigma? I’m at a loss.

Checking In -

Dear Blogosphere,

I've been absent of late. I realize it and I'm not apologizing. The truth of it all is, I haven't been doing well. I've had a cold and a sinus infection and all that but that's not what I mean.

I've been fighting the reds and the blues and the doldrums and the shakes and everything else more than the norm. I don't know if it's that in my weight loss and 2010 goal to Simplify and SLOW DOWN that I've just been getting more honest and I'm seeing myself and the world around me more clearly and it's pretty rough.

I'll be even more honest, I'm weary to talk about it here or anywhere frankly because, well, my blog readers are people I see and talk to rather frequently. I don't have the comfort of knowing my thoughts only exist for nameless people to whom I'm only marginally accountable. And frankly, those that I consider close don't really have an ear for me when I'm not doing well. They either don't know what to do with me or only know a fairly congenial Lizzie and are angsty at a change of scene more than the fact that I'm in pain or they think it's another hyperbolic rant and poo-poo whatever I've had to say in some polite-make-a-joke-quote-something-to-forget-it way.

There are a choice shimming few (you know who you are) who I can openly weep in front of and say that sometimes I'm so lonely it presses on me like a humid night or that I'm terrified I'm stuck where I am for the rest of my life and feel pretty powerless to change either. I can talk about that in front of you.

So for the most part I could just post quirky videos on here or jokes of pictures of my adorable nephew that makes me happy but also reminds me of how much I don't have and most likely, at this point, won't and now I have to hide those tears too.

But they run close to the surface, poking through at inopportune moments. Crying at kung fu cartoons about flying air bison or recounting a film about gorgeous clothes, poetry and love to someone just isn't normal.

Life has still gone on for me though.

I've paid off my car.

I've found some adorable dresses for my Year of Feminine Divine as seen:

here

here

here

here
and
here.

I've turned a corner and have actually fallen in love with a few designer purses; namely Gucci.

You know - having good taste can be very inconvenient. Especially when, for some reason, all of the purses you've every really loved or bought have all come together and coagulated into the glory that is Gucci's Classic Joy Handbag.

I know I'll never spend that kind of money on a purse but I'm really comforted to know that it's out there and that there is a bit of a reason for the Designer Handbags maelstrom of silliness.

I will be moving out at the beginning of June to live with a few friends for a few months. Both of them will be heading out to the wind come December but we'll be able to share this cute yellow house on a hill in Pomona for a season or two. I'm excited and have had fun preparing to have my own space again. I'm leaving a lot of things here so I've picked out a few new furniture pieces and some new bedding. It's been super fun. Jaqueloeen has made a few appearances. I've finally found the vanity of my dreams in my price range
and I've found a duvet comforter that makes me happy every time I look at it, which is it's job, and goes perfectly with my favorite Mucha I plan on putting up.



I'll take pics once I've got the whole thing laid out etc. I've even inherited some paint from all the construction at work to beautify things if we're allowed to paint.

I decided not to go to Coachella this year. My singular Coachella compadre (the rest of my friends list have utterly let me down in this regard) got called away on a business trip to Australia and the idea of camping and attending on my own sat well for a few weeks but got scarier as the time approached. I've admitted that my life is going to be one land mine after another so I Craigslisted my ticket and am trying to walk away graciously. I don't think I'll do a very good job of it. In fact, there is a good chance I'll be crying all weekend.

I've recently become obsessed with purse accessories too. Strange, I know but useful too. I've carried handkerchiefs around since I was 18 and have had an engraved cigarette case be my first aid kit since then too but I wanted a real mirrored compact and lipstick case and pill box and perfume atomizer and all that stuff you'd find in a Lady's purse from the 20's -50's. I've come across a LARGE number of accommodating sites with many engravable and adorable possibilities.

So far I've only scored this lovely black with clear crystal flower compact mirror, lipstick case, key chain set. Nothing too extravagant or silly. Not yet at least.

My hair is cute. My friend Mari and cousin Amber did me up well. Put in an adorable angled bob and colored me red again. It's a source of smiles for me.

But for the most part - that's it. I remain a pretty lonely, mediocre, non-grad schooled and undistinguished Lizzie that can't even bring herself to watch Lost or finish a book.

All the best for you,
Liz

Important Numbers to Me Right Now

167 - days till COACHELLA 2010

15 - minutes of a traffic-free drive I have to work now

6 - awesome co-workers that I have, weeks I'm overdue for a haircut, and days till I see Snow Patrol in San Diego with L-Dubbs, days till I get paid

8 - feet my boss' desk is from mine

46 - days till Christmas at Disneyland starts

37 - days till Thanksgiving (that I'm hoping to cook this year)

81 - days till my little brother gets home from his mission and how many days I have to find a place to live

76- days till Christmas

56 - days till my nephew gets blessed and I get to see him again.

9 - the amount of healthy child bearing years I have left

0 - potential suitors I have vying for my attention, dollars I have to pay for grad school, and amount of patience left I have with EDD

1080 - miles I am from my best friend

60,000 - how many dollars I'll most likely need for grad school

5 - amazing Percy Jackson books I've discovered, times I've gone to bed before 10 this week,

43 - days till I see Joe Pug at The Mint with whomever enlightened soul wants to come with

43,456 - times I've been amazed at what a charmed life I've got

The Post

Dear Sweet Charles,

Welcome to this crazy place we call Earth. You're perfect and adorable and I promise to do everything I can to keep you that way for as long as possible. You're only 5 days old but I can tell you're a Long through and through. You have dark dramatic eyebrows, are the Alpha Male of the NICU, have charmed all the nurses, eat like a Viking preemie, don't over fuss at all, and can recognize and love your mommy and daddy like none else.

Loving you more than life,
Auntie E

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Obnoxious State of Utah,

I am always leery coming here. I get stir crazy after a few days but your amazing scenery and super low gas prices keep me interested. Coming here was a bit of a necessity with all the recent medical fireworks resulting in a new person but did you have to require the sacrifice of my wallet to see my nephew?! I mean really, I'm pretty dang broke as it is being unemployed and such. Now you have to complicate my life with keeping me here sans drivers license, cash, temple recommend or social security card??? Really - really. Is this kind of harassment necessary? I don't think so. I'd really like to call a truce with you you know. Its exhausting thinking so poorly of some place like I do of you but you're hardly giving me reason to do otherwise. If it wasn't for the people that I love living here I'd sharpe you RIGHT off my map!

not your friend,
~Ms. Long

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear T-Mobile,

I'm leaving you as soon as I see an opening. You've let me down once too often and at the least opportune times. Your phones are not cool, current, or functional most of the time. You still use SIM cards in a PSP world. Why don't we just use two flags and a flashlight for Pete's sake??! You're fired, that's just the long and short of it and do both of us a favor and do not use me as a reference.

barely keeping my middle finger to myself,
~ Ms. Long (but you can call me Ms. Thang)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Big Sur,

I am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you. I know that this comes and a rather inopportune time seeing how our reckless state legislature can't manage to find their ass with two hands and a floodlight much less budget enough money to make sure that the State Parks stay open for the world to know the joy that is you. I'm embarrassed and shocked on their behalf because the world should see and sing your beauty. I will never be the same after seeing you, smelling you, feeling the sunshine that only you seem to be able to produce. Life is simpler in your company and I feel more alive. You will never be rid of me. I will be back as often as my cattywampus life allows me to be.

Yours ever after,
Liz


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Bad Dreams,

You're a new addition to the three ring circus that I've come to refer to as "my life". I don't know if you're a derivative of the surprisingly violent anime my brother said I "had" to watch but I don't enjoy watching and hearing my friend's necks crack, break, and watching them die. I'm sure my friend Brett would not enjoy the experience either so lets just have a parting of ways right now. I haven't seen someone die in a dream and Brett would never go gallivanting around on construction equipment and let himself be mangled by said equipment. Either way just please see yourself out. I have quite enough to worry about and I don't want to wake up screaming ever again.

waving goodbye,
~e

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Michael Jackson,

Where to begin...

I am so so so sorry that your life had the finish it did. You are better than that and you left behind some adorable children that truly love you. It's just not OK. It's true you had a tragic life and operated in a paradigm that was pretty far removed from the rest of us. No one really understood you much, including yourself I think. I really enjoyed the music you gave me though. Its the soundtrack for a good portion of my life and I remember being honestly inspired by "Man in the Mirror" and honestly horrified by "Thriller". I still can't watch it without flinching. You did some truly amazing things and were a one of a kind. I'm sorry it ended the way it did.

respectfully,
~e

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Elizabeth,

Will you PLEASE get married soon to someone who has a modicum of stamina and virility. I'm dying of boredom over here and you don't exactly age backwards. Get to work woman!

Impatiently,
Your uterus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Wallet,

I miss you. Please come back to me soon.

still weepy,
~e

Grab Bag Catch-Up

IE - a bunch of thoughts that I've had that are post worthy but that I simply haven't gotten to:

I'm a college graduate. That's right. I need to keep saying it so that it will be real cause I'm still not believing it.

Nick reports to the MTC the day after tomorrow. I have cried and and I will miss him desperately but I am happy for him. He's the best brother ever and has worked hard and long to be able to serve. Dropping 50 lbs in 6 months is no easy feat. It finally hit me last week when he came home with the remainder of his shopping. I was beside myself for a good part of the night but a Mom chat and a Patrick chat helped. I made it through the farewell without breaking down and he asked me to sing all 7 verses of "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief" and I got through all of those without any eye fanning too. That's a fantastic feat for me. I hate breaking down while singing. It's so not professional (not that I am one - but its just so Youth Conference ya know) but I've done it the last two family missionary events I've sung at. I'm glad I broke the cycle. With him gone I will be in the market for a new Indie film and gym buddy. Anybody an LA Fitness member with a taste for angst and ambiguity?

On Saturday Patrick and I were catching the Mellowdrone set at The Echo and who was crossing the street with us? None but Michael Cera (George Michael from Arrested Development) and he was short and exactly how he is on the show. I felt very LA - it was cool. :D He's a favorite. Yay Michael. He was going to the time travel store and not to the show -but that's OK. I wonder who else is just roaming around Echo Park? Gob perhaps. I really need those DVDs. Like a dog needs food. Seriously.

My Graduation Application is (FINALLY) in for the U and is now being scrutinized by the best and brightest so I need all the happy thoughts and prayers that you can muster for me in the direction of Grad School ascension. And yes, my new copy of my lost novel is coming along fantastically. I'm almost pleased with it. Thanks for asking.

I bought a membership to CostCo and its been a strange experience. See - I've never really shopped at CostCo before. I've gone to one and picked people up from there and enjoyed a dollar hot dog once or twice but I've never gone there with the intent to shop. I'm very much steeped in the "get baked goods at a bakery and meat at a butcher and fruit at a farmers market" school of thought and am a Mom and Pop shopper all the way. But when I was in Utah Jonathan took us shopping at CostCo for wedding stuff and I thought "Self, there might be some merit to this. AND you get discounted gas. Totally worth the 50 bucks over a year right there." But wandering that place with a shopping cart and a list was a very overwhelming experience for me. You would have thought that I had just come from behind the Iron Curtain. I kept bumping into stuff because I was just looking up in wonder half the time. Much like how I was my first time in New York. My internal dialogue went something like this-

"No wonder the rest of the world thinks Americans are gluttons. LOOK at this place??! They have bikes! And Muffins! And coffins! and organic spinach! and leather jackets! and jars of vitamins the size of feedbags! My word. Just call me Gulliver"

I only wanted to get stationary for Nick and some office gifts. The smallest package of pens I could find had 40 pens. What on earth am I going to do with 40 pens? I don't think I've used up 40 pens in my entire college experience. I was so curious I spent two and a half hours there just combing the isles to see the extent of randomness and Oz size portions of everything.

Which leads me to a philosophical point I've been brooding over - but I'll save that for tomorrow- cause I think I have more to say than a Grab Bag snippet would allow.

And just a s Point of Informatio: those Hello Kitty grab bags they have at the mall have been a life long happy thought. I'm prepared when Tinkerbell arrives. I haven't bought one since I was 10 or so but oh how I do love them. How can things be bad when there are Christmas carols and grab bags to be had? I mean really.

I can't get the Whoville Christmas song out of my head.

My best friend is the best and sent my mom cookies and me yarn and keeps me stocked with nephew pictures. Who could ask for more?

MIA - but only a bit

So its Crunch Time
Fever Pitch Time actually
in terms of writing for Grad School Applications and final projects and a bunch of other things that have a claim on my attentions and writing talents so I will be a bit here and there for the next week or two. I may check in for Wednesday Giggles or if something is particularly fantastic or gets me particularly irate.

So don't miss me too much (all 7 of you)
I'll be back soon enough
~tootles