Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
See Lethy-boy ---- I have a lot of stuff to get through. They're all on different categorized and prioritized lists of "Want to Do" and "Need to Do" and "Am Responsible for" and "Begrudgingly said Yes to" "Enthusiastically Said Yes To" "Have the God-Given Opportunity To Do" etc. They're labeled and color coded and my schedule is more like a simple set of deadlines now a days. I have goals. I have a system and a plan and a time table for all of it but whenever I find myself in your company it all gets complicated. Horribly complicated.
That's just low man. Wiley and wrong if I were to title the condition. If we can't be honest with each other Lethy then I'm afraid we really are going to have to part ways. Yeah I mean it. Don't scoff! I'm talking here. I'm thinking permanently. Like move you to South Africa or The Iraq. I might even call my cousins Vinny and Guido (not Sarducci) to drive home the point. I'm quickly approaching DONE status. And there really is no going back after that. When I say I'm done - I mean it. Its a phrase I store in the rarely used glass case you need a key to get into. I keep it in there with "I'm in love with you" and "that's impossible" and "video games sound fun".
So what do you have to say? Huh? What accounting can you possibly have for yourself? I'd venture none. So this is it man - I want my key back and my U2 CD - you could never truly appreciate them anyway.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
You'd think that if you were going to choose a fictitional fighting figure you might go the Beowulf, King Aurthur, Chuck Norris route. But this is MUCH better!
Fight on my friends. Fight on.
Monday, August 20, 2007
And I've known for a long time that grad school needs to be in my future. Its pretty much my only option if I want to do any good in Education.
And I've been praying about it and keeping my eyes open.
But I have to tell you - as much as I don't want to admit it - I'm really, really scared.
I'm scared that I won't get into any program ever anywhere and I'll be just another English major asking if you "want fries with that".
But whats funny is that I'm even more scared that I will get into one. Because then I'm sure that I will be the short bus rider of the group. There is one specific program that if I do get into, I'm terrified I will just drown in. But I would be a fool not to go. Its this B.A. to Ph.D. track that looks pretty promising.
I mean, a Ph.D. has been something I've always wanted to achieve. Much like meeting Emma Thompson or climbing a glacier. It's always just been a little past reality but fun to think about.
But right now, today - with that last email I sent - it's terrifyingly real and I feel very....... weak. I feel horribly weak. Helpless even.
Am I really smart enough to get through a program? Am I strong enough to carry the class load? Am I disciplined enough to do justice to it? Do I have enough original thought to actually put together any kind of substantial dissertation? Do I have any original contributions or insights to make to my field? I haven't even done a Senior thesis! The longest thing I've ever written have been a few chapters of my adolescent lit fiction novel I've been pecking at for the last couple of years.
I am so scared that my intellectual tendencies might be just that - tendencies. And all of that identity and worth I have found therein is for naught. And if I don't have that to offer, I kind of feel like ... like I don't have anything to offer. I know that sounds silly and dramatic but its true. Like-trying-not-to-sniff-too-loudly-behind-my-cubicle-walls-so-that-no-one-will-ask-if-I'm-crying-because-I-am true.
Grad school represents all of these questions and answers and pathways to me and I am scared I will be found wanting. Painfully wanting.
I know that its something I need to do and I will apply and have faith that if I'm supposed to go I will be accepted. And if I'm accepted I will go and I will be blessed. "Whom the Lord calls the Lord qualifies" I know that this is true and will apply directly to me because it will honestly take an act of God for any of this to come to pass.
If this is His path for me I'll take it. No matter how much is scares me. The fear never goes away I think, my capacity to deal just increases. But I can't ignore my fear either I think, because it just festers and comes out in dysfunctional ways. Like shopping too much or yelling at cars on the freeway.
I'm determined the make my best efforts and submit my best work. I won't let my fear drive my decisions because that always ends a mess. I mean - if that were the case I wouldn't try at all. The only sure way not to be rejected is not to try. But is also the surest way to not be accepted either... and that's just not an option.
And it's not that I don't believe in myself, I'm just not sure there is enough of "myself". I don't want to fail. Not at this. Not at something so important and at something that basically will determine what and where I will be for the rest of my life.
It pretty petrifying - these crossroad places...
Just remember to breathe right? Just breathe...
I'm not looking for/needing validation and stuff. I know there are tons of options and places and ways to do good everywhere and I'm not discounting them. I'm just needing to spalt down all these feelings somewhere so they'll quit bugging me so much and I can get on with it all.
Friday, August 17, 2007
So Nick and I have some interesting conversations at the gym. There is only so much entertainment 45 minutes on an elliptical machine can provide so we do our best to pass the time by trying to crack each other up or expound on something... normal sibling conversation. Well this particular day we were exploring different modern myths and tearing apart the soon to be released Beowulf (and how they are crucifying the story - but I digress....)
So naturally we were on the subject of Star Wars - and Nick was crediting Lucas for re-instituting the Reluctant Hero in the public psyche with Han Solo etc.
But whenever Han Solo comes up I rarely think of his modern myth contributions. I can only think of the crush I've had on him and on Harrison Ford since I could pronounce "Star Wars".
And this led me down memory lane to all of the recreational crushes I've had on my multi media influences.
So without further ado I give you My Hall of Fame (in somewhat chronological order)
Johann from the Smurfs. Was there a more courageous hero on Saturday mornings? (Remember - Thundercats was weekdays at like 5 am and Transformers honed in on the latch-key crowd in the after school slots of 3 and 4. This was all before "The Disney Afternoon" of course). I don't remember much of what he did - but I remember that it was amazing, he was good with a sword and I thought his name was so cool that I've secretly wanted to name one of my kids after the like. I won't! I won't. Mostly because I refuse to tell my child he was named after a cartoon but Johann was killer cool to my impressionable young mind.
Rex Smith from HBO's production of The Pirates of Penzance captured my young pre-pubescent heart very easily. He could wear shiny shirts, have a Jew-fro, wear thigh high boots, sing and still be the picture of masculine charm. Kevin Klein was also very early endeared to me in this production but hes not the boy I wanted to go to the after school dance with.
Obviously Han Solo is up there and still on my short list. But there is more than one reason every girl in the world wanted to be Leia. Not just for the killer wardrobe and fun toys or the chance to call things "walking carpets" but because this is what came home every night. Rock on Leia- Rock on.
One of the best rolls Val Kilmer has ever taken (aside of Iceman). Mad Mardigan was one of the best parts of Willow and any man who falls hopelessly for a red head has just got to be awesome. Now given, at this point in life I was still falling for characters perse, not the actors themselves (with the exception of Harrison). He loved that cute baby, kicked total butt once he got a sword and looked properly and endearingly goofy in armor.
I actually fell for Brendan after School Ties but I couldn't find any satisfactory pictures. Hes became one of my favorites when I learned that he was 6' 4" and favorite thing was spit wading people in expensive restaurants. Since I've been in the 5' 9" stratosphere since I was 12 this was a big thing to me. And after "Encino Man" I was a lost girl.
From the first time I heard these guys at one of my first all ages show I leaned over to my friend I snuck in with and said "who is the guy on the drums?" - ever since then David Grohl has been on the short list as well. Hes just gotten cuter and more funny and talented with Foo and being married and just generally being one of the awesomest guys on the planet!
Ioan is just an unabashed favorite. He was Horatio Hornblower and I don't think I've seen anyone look better in a period British naval uniform (except maybe Ciarin Hinds in Persuasion). He was the first one I openly called my husband and I still do. He's Welch and has that perfect goofy/intelligent/bada** blend that I think is the perfect stew for Hollywood crushes.
I'm not sure there are enough good things to be said about Gerard Butler (or Gerry). Yay for Scotsman! Where would be be without them? I've gone off a few times before but anyone who can pay his way through law school by fronting a rock band and only not take the bar because he was plucked out of a coffee house by Hollywood gets epic clout in my book. And then making your name by posing as the Phantom of the Opera and a Spartan King... one word - smokin'
The most recent addition to the Hall o Fame is Karl Urban. He was someone that always popped up in my Mom and Dad's Hercules and Xena viewing days but he looked pretty freaking awesome in is Eomer armor in Lord of the Rings. Hes been on the to watch list since. Why do they make them so wonderful in Kiwi-a-go-go? Not to mention that he is lovingly devoted to his two kids and wife. Definitely Hall of Fame worthy.
So there they are -
There is my chronological list of fancy and fun. Can you tell I'm from a movie family? Its kind of silly now that I've laid it all out. But I will forever have this blog to go back and enjoy and that just brings me unabashed joy.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Like Monet - he was a painter in a time when it was no longer necessary to hone the artistic talent of capturing the details of things. The camera had already been invented, so the artistic unicorn was to go inside of the mind as opposed to outside of it. Monet painted the same thing over and over again not to capture the thing itself, but the light that bathed it. He didn't even bother to blend his paint on the canvas most of the time because he wanted the perceiver's eye to blend the colors and make up the picture. That's why every time you increase or decrease the distance between you and a Monet the picture changes. Its a different painting because the way the light hits your eye changes. No two people have ever seen the same Monet. Even when they've seen it at the same time and in the same light. Kinda the whole "can't step in the same river twice principle" except without the dancing raccoons and all that.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Not to make fun of other people's tragedies or tragedy in general but
sadly, the girl has very little sense as well. She was hospitalized last week and cancelled a bunch of shows because of "exhaustion". But this week some new things came to light -
Amy - Please raise your right (drink free) hand and repeat after me:
"I will not shoot heroine anymore. I will not even think about taking horse tranquilizers and I most certainly will never think about taking both of them at the same time ever ever ever again. I will check myself and my equally maladjusted husband into rehab (despite the song I've written to the contrary), put on at least 10 lbs to remove myself from the Auschwitz Victim bodyfat percentile and continue to bless the world with my amazing talent and fabulous style"
Best of luck Amy -
I'll send you my favorite red pumps if it'll help.
Monday, August 13, 2007
So we decided to go to Ireland. No - really. We are.We then concluded that the best way to see Ireland was on a bike. Cars are expensivie and trains and buses only go to the big spots. So our options were walking or biking. It seemed obvious to me. So since that time we have set October 2008 as our departure date and proceeded to get our bank accounts, passports and bodies ready for the journey. We've even looked into taking some Gaelic classes because they don't speak much else in a lot of the little towns we've got mapped out to visit. We've got our tents and camel packs and maps and a few history and tour books.
The thing is - the last bike I owned had purple unicorns and rainbows on it. You braked by back-pedaling and it had a fair amount of streamers as well and those spoke thingies that slid up and down that made popping noises that were the envy of the neighborhood. Though it served is purpose very well (helping me do the best Goonies pretend games ever), its not exactly a piece of equipment you take along the hills on Ireland's southern coast.
So I'm looking to buy my tour bike in the next few weeks and I have found that I have a better command of speaking backwards than of what kind of bike I might need/want.
"Uh - the one with two wheels that goes fast and won't break or break me"
I could take my mother's approach to shopping and just get what looks the prettiest and makes me the happiest - but I have a feeling that that isn't the best approach to this purchase either.
Its all part of the adventure thing we were craving right? Its probably the tip of the iceburg now that I think about it. I suppose I better go visit that new REI at Victoria Gardens and try not the let the cute salesman sell me something ridiculous that I think I might need. Wish me luck.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Gus-Gus is an awesome character. He was indispensable for Jack-Jack and managed a lovely bit of physical humor and circumstantial irony for the story all in one of the most adorable packages ever. He was the perfect wingman.
Also - for years (since the advent of text messaging) my brothers, cousins and I, to pass the time and in the never-ending attempt to crack each other up, have made a habit of doing Top 5's.
Top 5 things you shouldn't laugh at but do anyway
-midgets getting injured
-the punchline "not being retarded"
-animals being punted
-Japanese game shows involving costumes from the 90's
- the film Borat
Top 5 things you'd like to steal
- an R2D2 Mountain Dew Dispenser
- Gummy Bear Juice
- the smirk off of Paris Hilton's face
- a vowel
- a prosthetic limb
You get the point -
So naturally I started thinking of my Top 5 cinematic wingmen and this is what I came up with.
5) Gus-Gus obviously for the above stated reasons. I don't think anyone can wear pointy shoes better. Except David Bowie. Maybe.
4) C3PO - the dude could speak 3000 languages and still was second fiddle to R2D2 who was 2' shorter, spoke in blips and squeaks but did have a much better color scheme. He was always there - even in bits and pieces he was there
3) Goose - this is totally self explanatory. "Shes lost that feeling? - Man I hate it when she does that!"
2) Alfred - I'm sorry but Alfred did so much H-en more for Batman than Robin could possibly manage. He's the H-en man.
1) Samwise - the real champion of the Lord of the Rings and an ode to the power of a simple man and a simple life (Honor in the Ordinary Liz... I give you Samwise). AND he was funny because Gollum got to call him chubby and he had that sweet crush on Rosie the whole time. What more can a wingman accomplish I ask you?
And that kind of brought me full circle because Sam and Gus-Gus remind me of each other. Tada.
I think Honorable Mentions should include:
Diana Berry (Anne of Green Gables)
Cereal Killer (Hackers)
Inigo Montoya ("prepare to die")
The Browines (Willow)
Fred Willard (in whatever movie hes in)
Samuel L. Jackson (in whatever roll hes in)
and Edna Mode (The Incredibles) - she rocked too.
Yay for the wingmen and those that play those rolls in real life too. We're the texture and color as well as the laughs. High 5's all around man. High 5.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Insights #1) Los Angeles is a city with a number of different mistresses; movies, music, modeling, television. But Nashville only has one - music. And that kind of single purpose in the universe lends itself to a lot of fascination and eccentricities and allots for levels of fanaticism that would be considered strange anywhere else. But because of that all of these people; karaoke queens, frisky army boys, people wearing Confederate flag belt buckles in the shape of the superman logo - they all not just color the landscape, but they belong there. And it is all strangely a beautiful thing. Kind of like Kabuki. It's pretty much alien but its SO its own thing and steeped so much in its own frequency that you just step back, marvel that it exists, and accept that there are may different forms of beautiful.
- "Don't Mess with Texas" was originally a slogan from a state wide anti-litter campaign
- Mascara is a super power and can get you free drinks anywhere
- KB toy store is always the best store in the mall, no matter what part of the country you're in
- Lisa's Mom's pumpkin cookies could be the missing factor in achieving world peace
- "Hilton" does not count in a scrabble game
- Redvines enhance every experience but don't have them for breakfast
All in all it was lovely and I fully intend to go back in the Fall. Yay for new places and new experiences and yay for friends to have with you on the journey.