How I Feel about 'Merkah

So I was asked, for this job that I'm applying for to "write a one page essay about how I feel about America". Apparently its for this private school that has an "America-centric curriculum" and I guess they wanted to make sure that I'm not a dirty hippy.

Mom said that I should post my reply on my blog.

Here it is:

Life is a series of binaries, melodies and countermelodies of every kind. The governing one in a life is the space we try to live balancing our dreams and our realities. Both sides have claim on our mind, hearts and energies so we find ourselves in this space between, living in this benevolent, delicious and adventurous polarity.

This is what America is to me. It’s a crossroads of ideals, brilliance, energy and love mixed with a lot of blood, sweat, tears, pain, and hard work. There is a magic to this place. It’s an accessible magic ironically being the basic concept of space. There is space here. There is the obvious physical space but there is also emotional space, there is political space, there is intellectual space, there is spiritual space and there is enough for everyone.

The word I use for this is Liberty. We have a statue of it, a bell, the word peppers every founding document but I often wonder if it’s worth is really known. Many have sacrificed comfort, safety, families and even lives for it. It’s that costly because it’s that important and its what makes America truly great. Not Freedom, but Liberty. I think the two are very different.

Freedom, to me, is simply the state of being free from oppression from a malevolent source but Liberty is far more pointed and ennobled than that. Liberty is the chance to choose, to live a deliberate life, to have ownership over yourself and your future and in a beautiful dichotomy, those that were so ardently concerned about their welfare were motivated by true philanthropy. They loved themselves enough to fight for their rights in founding a new nation but they had a greater commitment to those that would come later and felt they deserved the same chance. That is a rare gift and one I marvel at everyday.

Because of this working reality of Liberty and Love I have hope everyday. I can feasibly hope and imagine changing whatever there is about my life and situation that I want to. I live and breathe the possible. There are few places where that is possible but here, it’s an everyday.

These everydays and the subsequent space they provide has led to everything else that I adore about America. We are an amalgamation of people from every corner of the planet that grew up one way but hungered for another. They were and are people with an instinct for justice, of brave souls. In turn we have grown up sons and daughters of heroes. We are a whole nation of fighters. Its no wonder the comic book was invented here, the car, the aircraft, the Internet. We’re all still exploring our world and trying to be the heroes of our own lives.

Naturally with so much strength we are constantly fighting for ourselves and sometimes with ourselves, but when called upon we boast some of the most courageous blood in the world and when we work together, nothing is impossible. The line between dreams and realities disappears. We’ve proven that to the world and ourselves again and again.

There is always a chance. There is always a way and most importantly there was someone who came before me that loved a faceless stranger enough to provide a way for me to find my own.

I'm Still Contemplating Reporting Them

Craigslist is officially the job searching equivalent of MySpace.
Ridiculous, narcissistic, entirely false and full of questionable characters that probably smell weird.

I responded to an ad for an "Account Manager" position asking for some more information. The ad was pretty vague.

This is what I got in response:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good Afternoon

We have received your e-mail and want to offer you the vacancy of "Account Manager".

An account manager makes 7% from the amount of each transaction. You will be granted 24/7 support and back up from our company in case of emergency throughout the business hours. A secure online environment makes the work of an account manager agent easier. Normally the amounts that we process vary from $3,000 to $10,000, but can go higher on special occasions.

Working Tasks?

1) To receive money to your bank account .

2) Withdraw funds.

3) Send money via Western Union or Money Gram

Also we sent our contract, for the further cooperation. Please fill it and send to us a copy, to prove your identity. Also it is necessary to send acknowledgement, that you are ready to work by e-mail. After receiving your email we process and answer as soon as possible.

To get job more details go to this website : solutiononline.co.cr

Best Regards

Denis Iovov

Finance Corporation International

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They haven't met met, I don't know a thing about the job even after this amazingly thorough job offer and I'm so eager to take a job with someone who can't punctuate or spell or use proper grammar in emails OR offers...

*sob-sigh*

It's a horrible scam and it makes me angry. What kind of cruel son of a bitch would take advantage of people legitimately looking for work? I starred at the screen for a good 30 seconds when I read it in disbelief. How did such ridiculousness find its way to my inbox?

This is why I'm kind of sucking at life right now and why I'm in dire need of a punching bag. Looking for work is a soul draining endeavor.

I'm moving to Alaska and changing my name to Genevieve. I can't take it anymore.

Its Not a Sacrifice if Its Not Felt

So my job search has led me to looking for different opportunities in different parts of this magical land called The United States.

This is a good thing and a bad thing. Good because a change of scene is always a good and productive thing, I love traveling, and there is still a lot of the world I haven't seen.

However, its bad because it means I might have to leave California.

California could possibly be the love of my life. I'm amazed by it everyday, it just gives and gives. It's the birthplace of almost all things amazing; Van Halen, Trader Joe's, George Lucas, The Hotel Cafe, Disneyland, happiness.

Like, take yesterday for example. My amazing friend Stephanie is on Spring Break from her arduous law school studies. We decided to get together and what did we do? Why go to the Huntington of course.

And we spent the day wrapped in this kind of light and wonderful















Not having this down the road will be heart breaking. Not to mention the blissful pastry at Federico's after or lovely that is Hamburger Hamlet. If I need to leave I will miss all of this dearly. That's all I'm saying. I know there are gardens and sunlight everywhere I could possibly go, even if I have to plant one myself, but my heart will literally crack a little. That's all I'm saying. I'm not afraid of it or not willing to go do it, but it is what will happen if it comes to that.

At least I have my wall paper worthy pictures right? I swear - Microsoft should hire me for their stock options. I'm awesome.

High Adventure

Being unemployed has taught me a lot of things.

1) It's far too easy to apply for jobs.

At the end of my dedicated 8 hour days I look back through my Sent file and see I've placed maybe 50 resumes that day. Now I'm careful and read every description I come across and think about cover letters and am attempting to do a thorough search. What I've seen in people's responses and what I've been told at interviews is that people are literally buried under 100s and 100s of resumes for a single Craigslist position, just after 24 hours and about 90% of them might as well be written in crayon. It complicates everyone's life that it takes 3 seconds to shoot off a resume from Craigslist or Careerbuilder. If it was more of an effort I think it would bode easier for everyone.

2) There are a large number of very dim people in the world.

WHO are applying for these jobs? I was interviewing for an Office Manager position and they brought me in for a "computer test". I thought I was going to have to build a database, write a program or put a power point together so I was kind of nervous but I was ready. I got there and the girl placed her business card in front of me with her info and a post it with the name of an elementary school.

The test (I am so NOT kidding) consisted of:
1 - opening Outlook
2 - sending an email
3 - opening Explorer
4 - logging onto the company's website
5 - creating a list
6 - putting items on the list
and the kicker
7 - looking up the Elementary School's phone number via search engine
oh
8 - and making sure it was in LAUSD

about half way through logging on to their website I was suppressing the need to giggle and had to shove down the snarky desire to ask if I could do this from my phone instead. In my sleep. With gardening gloves on.

Then I've interviewed at a number of other places where they tell me in the verification phone calls to "dress business professional, bring a copy of your resume and no sandals or jeans please". No sandals or jeans. PEOPLE!!! This is a job interview. Nothing short of an attack of the Nocturnal Clothes Eating Monster, an appointment before the mall opens and a world wide paper shortage would cause me to show up in jeans and sandals without a resume for a JOB INTERVIEW! Why is this necessary? What kind of idiots are applying for these jobs?

Send me an email??! I'm still baffled by it.

3) There are a lot of gawkers on the 57.

I've been down to Orange County about 3x a week for the last 3 weeks so me and the 57 have been getting cozy again. However, I don't remember the strange amount of people who pace your car and try to talk to you in traffic, ask for your phone number or just stare. Now, I've had this happen to me before but just once or twice and it was on the 101 which is freak central anyway, and the 210 after church, which was just funny. From a car viewpoint I'm a knock out, I'll admit it. I've got red hair and a great rack. What more can a commuter want for eye candy? But seriously people, I'm a stressed out unemployed college grad. I don't want to deal with the distracted male driving an audaciously large truck right next to me at high speeds. Focus people.

4) Receptionists need to read For the Strength of Youth

I don't need to see your naughty pillows coming and going nor do I want to. You're sitting down at a desk all day with people coming up to you that are standing. They have what is scientifically termed the "bird's eye view". If you look down and see something your mom wouldn't approve of then so can ALL of us and if that's the kind operation you're running you should mention that in your job description "self respect desired but not required".

5) Job Hunting is just an endless bunch of awkward. Not the entertaining kind, oh no. It's the blind date, slightly humiliating kind.

Sitting in a waiting room with 3 other people that you know are interviewing for the same job and are just as worked up as you and its taking forever and you think about striking up a conversation but you know you're just getting sized up and they look more terrified than bored so you decide not to - awkward
Talking about yourself and telling your story over and over - awkward
Not knowing who will be interviewing you and where they're coming from - awkward
The same strange dusty silk plants and ficus trees in every waiting room you go that are sometimes poking you in the face and make you have to sneeze through your whole interview - awkward. Freaky even

6) Interviews are either a Recruiter's favorite thing or least favorite thing.

I've been in 45 min interviews with men who look like a Muppet (including mannerisms) that are in love with the sound of their own voice and ask every. single. obscure question or personality assessment tell they can think of "Describe to me you're ideal day, environment, problem, and how you'd solve it and what color the walls might be and what animal would be there?" I've also been in 5 min interviews consisting of 5 questions that were answered by my resume sitting right in front of them that they spent the majority of that 5 minutes studying in silence.

7) Some recruiters have a God complex.

For kicks and giggles I was sniffing around the Phoenix Craigslist and opened up this ad looking for a Personal Assistant for a Scottsdale Marketing firm. It literally made me shake my head and want to go hug my mother. Make the bad man go away!

8) When putting an office environment together a Fung Shui type should be consulted or some kind of professional.

Purple is not a color that should ever be make up file cabinets, light fixtures or desktops.
Wallpaper does not belong on the ceiling.
6th grade science project boards is not the best way to introduce people to your company.
Yellow paint doesn't make people feel better, it makes them wonder what you're hiding, especially if you're a guy.
Swap meets or auctions from dismantled hotels are not the best places to go art shopping.

The funniest thing is I'm still in the thick of it. I cannot wait till this episode is over and I'm back to work, wherever that may be. I'm not sure how many more of these interviews I can weather before I just get up on the desk and Riverdance my way into the heart of those around me.

Pray for me people.

Oh - and I told him the walls would be pink with white trim.

Pavlov's Army

We've all had some insane jobs. Some we talk about, some we laugh about, and some we shamefully admit to. It's just part of growing up. On a recent trip to Target I realized how much of some of my past jobs haven't left me. Even now that I'm a supposed grown up and stuff.

Whenever I'm at the frozen yogurt machine at Souplantation I still find my 21 Choices training kicking in and my peaks are still very peaky.

I still face the bills in my wallet like the ODV (Out Door Vending) Nazi at the LA County Fair made us do before us exhausted troop of sunburned band kids could go home.

When I pick up a shirt off of a table at a store I still refold it and size it like my years working on Main Street at Disneyland indoctrinated me to do.

Most of my time served in the retail penal colony was served there. Yes - I've worked at Disneyland. Yes I still go as a guest and it still feels magical and I agree, The Disney Co. is the Great and Spacious Building.

I really liked working at Disneyland. Aside of feeling married to my availability form, being grossly underpaid, and the sore face muscles from smiling (per our instructions to be happy) it was very very fun. No day was ever the same and I adored that. One day usually felt like a week because of the variety of things that went down in 8 hours there. There were always some kind of emergency or Pass Holder Insanity (PHI on the radio) to mitigate, and all that we needed to handle "with discretion". Or the awesomely sweet moments with children who still believed and were looking for their friend Cinderella. They always got first priority and I always volunteered to take the picture. It was all amazing.

Merchandise was way more fun than almost any other division. But one thing about "being Merch" that was almost enviable was the capacity we had to put our hands on just about anything in the known universe with a few phone calls if a guest needed it.

Squirting nickels - we got em.
14k gold mickey mouse lipstick cases, check.
Velveteen pirate's cape - check.
Campfire chili and fried chicken, - yes,
Rag-Time dancing shoes - got those too.
Glow in the dark lipstick - let me check with Fantasmic
Topiary Alice in Wonderland figures - straight back and to the left
Moroccan Mint tea - across the street at Markethouse

It was amazing if you kept your eyes half shut to the frequently intoxicated management, the local gay couple having a shout out backstage (daily occurrence) and the constant smell of gun powder, ammonia and melted ice cream wherever guests weren't (IE-backstage).

But this kind of we-have-everything-in-the-world-and-you-need-to-put-it-away was strangely one of my favorite aspects of the job and I got the most battle experience in the biggest jungle of Disney memorabilia of them all - The Emporium.



My favorite part of Emporium duty was go backs. Partly because I wasn't tied to a register or to a table to keep straight, or beanie babies to straighten up over and over again. I got to put back the boxes and boxes of random stuff that collected behind the registers and scour the store for out of place items. It was like one giant, lolly pop, twisty pencil puzzle with an Aaron Copland soundtrack.

It sounds tedious but I really loved it. Not only did it pacify my slight OCD tendencies to straighten things but it allowed me to get lost in my head a little bit. When I saw something that was out of place I would wonder "Now how did that happen? Why would someone abandon a crystal Sleeping Beauty Castle figurine for an Ariel tank top? Did Ariel mean more to her growing up? Was she a red head and identify more with her? Was she clumsy and afraid she might break the castle before she got to the car?" and so on and so forth. I would imagine conversations people had with each other. Mostly made up the precious conversation snippets I would pick up from other people in the store. The funniest ones we between parents and children about appropriate souvenirs:

"I know you love Goofy - but I don't $75 love Goofy and neither should you"
"If I was Snow White I would sing a song and make every squirrel here come and bite you"
"It just seems kind of wrong to put Tinkerbell on a 3x shirt - I mean - what are people thinking?"
"You don't need a Tigger key chain. You don't even have keys."

I would politely offer help or insight when I could but most of the time I was in my own head. And today when I was picking up salad dressing and candles at Target on my lunch I noticed a pair of socks, a can opener and bar of soap on the crystal light isle. Instinct kicked in and I reminded myself that I didn't work there and it wasn't my responsibility to keep Target go-back free. But I did find myself constructing a scenario where those things being there would have made sense. How pink lemonade crystal light might have reminded that particular shopper that it was their best friend's favorite and that his can opener, navy blue socks and back up bar of Ivory were at his house so he didn't need to get them here.

And after laughing at myself for a second I realized that I did that a lot and then asked why and I found myself in my Main Street costume and oval name tag holding my box of go backs with "Meet me in St Louis" in the background. It was a pretty enlightening 45 seconds in the grocery isle of Target. And this, consequently led me to marvel at the little quirks I still have that are just residue from my past jobs and how everyone must have them. So now I'm curious - what are some of your habits, dear reader, that you've adopted (willingly or unwillingly) from your past?