Happy Fashion Pancakes

So I have more than a few feeds going into my Google Reader (one of the best inventions for bloggers evah) and one of them is the gloriously snarky Go Fug Yourself.
Now don't get the wrong idea -
It’s a conglomerate of some of my favorite things, complete with brown paper, packages and some strings - IE

sassy women
fashion
celebrities
faux pas
celebrity fashion faux pas
80s TV references
and George

George is the Bastion of Fugmail. Every time he gets a post I not only draw looks from across the office with my stifled snorts, I get glares and the few inevitable "What?....."s. He's flamboyant wit at its best.

This is his latest addition to the Fugmail canon - it was so funny I felt the need to repost.
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When Intern George isn't rubbing our feet, scrawling "Mr. George Fug Girls" on his Trapper Keeper, or peeling grapes that he then feeds us from a silver platter -- as we lounge on our chaises and swoon, "Dahling, WHITHER the fug today, I shall simply PERISH if Mischa Barton doesn't soon leave the house in a Value Village tee!" -- we sometimes let him answer our mail. And today, we decided to let him print some of his answers. We swear on all things holy (so, on George himself) that these are all VERY real e-mails we've received at GFY HQ, with names removed to protect the somewhat innocent.

E-mail #1

Subject line: Not Above The Law

This is to say paris your not above the law !!!!!YOur driving that way and more than one time is pathetic , you could of killed someone and hurt them very badly .Can ya deal with that ????Hope the law gives you the most penalty that can be given , you deserve it totally , no sympathy for you period . And there's no muff for your tiolet seat either , so enjoy that !!!!!!!Get it good !!!!Not a Fan !!!!!!!

Dear Friend,

Playing Sherlock Holmes for a second on this vague, veiled missive, I am sensing feelings of rich disdain. A very wise person once told me, "The sum of your feeling equals the number of exclamation points you use when you're in a wicked strop." Here's a hint: Her name started with "M" and ended in "other Teresa." I thought we'd topped the scale at 14, which were the number she used in a handwritten missive to me raging against the cancellation of Models, Inc., but your 23 push things into the next stratosphere. Such passion! My toes are curling, pet. And you're right, if there's one thing that scaly heiress needs, it's a tiolet seat sans muff. But that doesn't mean I can't knit one for myself...

Getting it good,
G

E-mail #2

Subject line: (none)

hey can u tell amanda bines to stay out of my garbage can thanx

Dear Friend,

I understand your concerns; Anne Heche was once in my garbage can for three weeks. It was awkward, but she wove me potholders out of my old Coffee Bean cups, so how could I begrudge her? I urge you, put on your empathy pants and consider things from your visitor's perspective: Did it ever occur to you there might be a reason Amanda Bynes is in your garbage can? Maybe she was just passing by, and lost an earring. Maybe you threw out a sweater she thought would make a great piece for her clothing line. Maybe she's rooting around to try and find your Social Security Number so that she can steal your identity and run off to Fiji to escape memories of Sydney White. Gosh, maybe she saw an intergalactic wolf-sprite peeking out at her, begging her to return with it to another galaxy and save the world by spawning a new civilization with Andy Dick (although I've heard that before, ahem, ANNE, and it didn't happen, so tread carefully if Amanda tries that old chestnut).

My point is, stretch out your arms and embrace the unknown -- in this case, the reasons a Hollywood starlet is standing on your lawn nape-deep in your trash. There is nothing a hug of curiosity can't answer. But bring noseplugs if you ate fish recently.

Feeling whiffy,
G

E-mail #3

Subject line: words "Go Fug Yourself" sure is a fashion reject

the words "go fug yourself" sure is a a verbal fashion reject. it has very BAD connotation. you probably thought you were oh so cute, but it is a blight on the culture. here you are, pointing out the errors of others, with a blattant business name that is depressing and demeaning.

Dear Friend,

It is? It does? Bless, you sweet peach of knowledge -- I learn so much from reading the GFY e-mail. For instance, I only found out the other day that Britney is just like the rest of us, and that Hilary Duff needs her head shaved by someone who cares. But consider me your knight in shining tuxedo. Once I explain this to the girls, we'll have a renaming summit, going for something that really sends out positive vibes. We'll get all the best cuddle-monkeys in the business together -- David Cassidy, Faye Dunaway, that Verizon guy... It's going to be magnificent. Gird your loins, Officer Sweetpea of the Reject Police, because it's going to set them aflutter and the ensuing round of hugs will shake the smog layer clean out of Los Angeles.

HappyFashionPancakes.com,
G

E-mail #4

Subject line: hi

I am interested in know an famous people do you can help me ? Thanks

Dear Friend,

I can do better than that. I can hold you. I can sate your thirst, and sup on your elixir of yearning for some celebrity sparkle. My name is George. I wear many hats, but my most cherished is the Intern headdress strapped to my grateful cranium every time I get to man the bar at GFY HQ. I cherish sarcasm, pigs, human rights, and silk pillowcases. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can whiff the world, and it smells like truffles. Hugs are my kryptonite but also my moisturizer. Feel this. Know me. Let's buy each other dinner and then watch it get cold, to remind us that the piece of our hearts we gave to one another lives somewhere else.
I must go. Celebrity Apprentice beckons like a post-coital sandwich.

You're hired,
G
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Rock on George -
Rock on

Wednesday Giggles

So I have two offerings of hilarity today -
One being this pic of my usually collected and suave cousin who lets out his inner Michaelangelo periodically.



And the other being a video from one one of our favorite comedians -

Definitions

Miracle [mir-uh-kuhl]
noun -
When 3 guys, a cousin, and two adorable girlfriends show up at your packed and divided apartment at 9 am on a Saturday, get a moving van loaded, half unloaded to pack a storage unit, the rest unloaded at your destinaton including two refridgerateors moved and be sitting down at lunch with no one feeling particularly exhausted 4 hours later.

Lame [leyme]
adjective, noun, verb -
When you drive 45 minutes in the rain (after moving that morning) to a very cool joint in Glendale to see your friend's band that you haven't seen in like a year and find out that their car broke down and they didn't even make the gig.

Perk [purk]
verb -
The other bands at said joint (ie The Scene) were very good and it was a good, chill, clean music hub.

Cute [kyoot]
adjective, (cut·er, cut·est) adverb, noun -
When a guy you've passed a few times in church and had some pleasant banter with who is well dressed and very well mannered randomly calls you to see if you're going to FHE (which you aren't in the habit of doing), you politely says no but he says "see you there" anyhow.

After you don't show up he randomly calls again, this time on Friday night asking to hang out or catch movie, so slightly impressed you say yes and you end up in a crowded movie theater seeing Juno from the second row. You can't stop laughing at the situation because the two ladies sitting next to you cannot stop talking (very loudly) about the movie and are wondering (very loudly) about the plot that is very obvious that they were (very loudly) completely not getting and you can't help but notice how every time someone comes on screen their nostrils are the size of basketballs. However, at one point one of your favorite Sonic Youth songs (the Carpenters cover one) comes on and you both turn to each other and say (very quietly) "oah - this is one of my favorite songs".

On Sunday at church he comes up to you and says "I have a present for you" and pulls out a copy of the Juno Soundtrack (that you had plans to buy later on in the week anyway).

And you haven't listened to much else since.

More than the Sum of Our Parts

So I've looked back on my blog and I've realized its become the nutritional textual equivalent of the Sweet Factory at the mall -

I've had a number of things on my mind that I've discussed with whatever obliging person around me I've found (even some nice strangers at the car wash) but I've yet to make a blog type presence about any of it.

I'm coming from a number of places with this particular subject and I'll try to do them justice and not go off and off and off at the same time but I'm not promising anything.

Ok - Place #1

I openly flash my membership card to Geekdom and frequently it would seem. Sometimes it comes out in Harry Potter debates at the Border's checkout counter and sometimes I get lit about Nova. This is a case of the latter.

Just the other night Mom and I tuned into this particular Nova that I found interesting and slightly disturbing, but not because of the people they were studying.

In rural Turkey there is a family of 21. 19 children born of two first cousins who married. 5 of these children haven't learned how to walk on two legs, they need their hands too. The other 14 are perfectly fine. Forgetting the fact that two cousins have married and multiplied *shudder* this family has drawn international attention from the Scientific Community thinking that these siblings (now adults from 19-24 years old) have DNA that could be evidential of an evolutionary ancestor that was quadrupedal.

There are three main things (scientifically speaking) that differentiate humans from the rest of the animal kingdom; bipedal locomotion, language, and brain size. There have been modern cases where defective genes have been isolated and identified with diseases pertaining to cases of language deficiency and abnormally small brain size, but none have ever surfaced regarding quadrupedal locomotion so the scientist types are all over this one.

There are a number of reasons they think this is a genetic thing. One of the many being the reason we can walk on two legs and not four is because of our fantastic sense of balance. This is because of our unusually large cerebellum. Brain scans of all of the siblings have revealed a very small one.

And they went on and on and on about all of these phenotypes that would paint a picture of a quadrupedal ancestor and they also presented a lot of evidence that in the case of the siblings that something else; bone structures etc. They had neurologists and psychologists come in and test these siblings and lets just say they aren't playing with a full deck. See, a typical strand of DNA has defective genes all over the place. The plus with how the system is set up is that we get 2 pairs of genes (one from mom and dad) and the best of the two are what is phenotypically manifested. Since two cousins married they would have similar copies of faulty DNA and therefore their kids would manifest the "mutated" genes more easily. Yadda yadda yadda -

Have I lost you yet? There is a point to all of this - I swear.

That should be on the channel 7 news - of course these siblings aren't playing with a full deck! Their gene pool is about as deep as left over bath water.

Out of all of the scientists they interviewed there was one (1!!) that made the suggestion that it was a matter of environment and not genetic disposition that had to do with this particular case. Hes an Anthropologist, not a geneticist mind you. He was the seemingly stuffy, white haired, Cambridge scholar that actually WENT to Turkey and met these siblings. He suggested, and I agree with him, that because this mother had these children so quickly (7 in 5 years) there wasn't time to help them progress from a baby bear crawl (which is very common) and the close siblings followed suit. Them living in the rural isolated place they do, it simply escalated with time.

He insisted that the environmental factors must carry just as much weight as genetic dispositions and never to underestimate the human spirit portion of Modern Humans. Genes are the scaffolding but they are not the building. I found his commentary so comforting and completely in line with my own, unschooled, theories. He said that if this case had happened in an area less rural these children would have been singled out and given therapy if they weren't walking by age 4 and by 5 or 6 they would have been perfectly bipedal.

Putting away the genetic pokers and pipettes, he and an empathetic Turkish psychologist, installed a few simple things at the house to help them strengthen their muscles and practice walking on two legs, even in their maturity (walkers, parallel bars etc) and they went back a year later and all of them were vastly improved.

These siblings aren't victims of their DNA, their parent's imprudence perhaps, but not their genome. I find it SOO frustrating how people are so apt to give in and give up who they are to a set of amino acids and looks for solutions in a syringe or a pill. Whats more is that the scientific community lets them. And since Society gives Science carte blanche for credibility more times than not, this mentality evolves into "fact" and sad prejudice.

This carte blanche is another thing - I read this other article that just amazed me but this post is mighty long so I guess I'll divvy this particular set of thoughts up I think.

Till next time then

Wednesday Giggles (addendum)

This has also been a constant snicker source for the last week or so that I felt the compulsive need to share. Its happy and excruciatingly entertaining.

Wednesday Giggles

Hes still one of my favorites ever ever ever.

A-Pitter-Patter

I think I really need to marry Steve Colbert.

If we all had these kind of negociating skills the world would be a much better place.
And he pulled it all off in a suit no doubt.
One word. Hotness -