Monday, March 9, 2009

In Response:

So sometime last week my friend pointed me at one of the newest gems in the ever growing string of Mormon Culture Satire blogs Why Mormon Girls Stay Single.

At first it was king of funny, but as I read on (I couldn't help myself) it wasn't a gut wrenching haha funny like the Fug Girls deliver or a Demitri set provides. Oh no - there was something that kind of bugged me along with the haha.

I mean, who doesn't like talking about and pointing out how goofy girls are and how this YSA state of things is 8 shades of ridiculous right?

I ended up reading the whole site - well - all 2 months hes been posting - hoping that it would get better or lighten up a bit, but the more I read the more it just seemed like something was off.

I've never claimed to be a quick one so I slept on it for a few nights and I realized what the pebble in my shoe was about it.

It was the voice of the author, given there are multiple people that post, but the voice is distinctly the same one, and that voice is everything I find loathsome about modern LDS gents.

First off, I don't like being negative, I fall into it more than I like to admit. I don't think it accomplishes anything. People get defensive and feel ridiculed and everyone just gets further ensconced in their own way of thinking as this passive aggressive act of defiance that our generation has gotten so good at. So nothing comes of it except more negativity and less communication.

However, these ideas and passages from this blog have been floating through my mind for the last 2 days and though I wouldn't dignify "Peter Priesthood's" blog with a reactionary email that I know he probably craves, I kind of want to talk about this and air some things out.

Firstly, all of Peter and his posse's ideas come with the tone and from the point of view that girls essentially get up, breathe, get dressed, and live to be approved of by a boy.

Now, this is 80% true. Most of that blog is 80% true. What seems to be lost is that PP-dog seems to have put himself on his bloggy throne and is just ridiculing the parade of girls hes ordered ("And let me guess - you have a great personality"). Not everything a girl does is to snap up a boy. I know that's hard for some guys to admit and growing up in places like Utah with all their bride worship I see how it can happen. But the world is a big place and there is a lot more to take in that Heleman Halls' yearly rounds of Freshman 15.

This is one of the things that I have consistently been disappointed in the men of the church about, where they got this crippling sense of entitlement. Did they forget that, by compulsion of nature, you need to impress US? You need us A LOT more than we need you. Yes, men do the asking but they also have to convince us to put up with you from here to eternity. Sputtering on about grooming rituals ridiculing women who dress their best is just revelatory of a sadly insecure and angry male.

From different allusions I'm gathering P-dog lives in the Washington DC area and I've been there a lot. He has a lot of material because YSA silliness is at an all time high yonder. From certain depictions he might even know my cousin. Heck, I could have even met him.

I'm so saddened by how he unceremoniously outlines the social dysfunctions of Mormon and YSA Culture, makes you feel that it's important and the ONLY way to marriage, happiness and being hot, and then tries to make you feel stupid and hopeless if you think otherwise.

My uneducated but observant guess is this is a VERY smart guy who was strung along by a girl that was way above him for a good long while but then got dropped. In his attempt to salvage any clout, pride or presence he pretends he doesn't care, is taking a cynical back seat and doing the third person assessment thing to stay away from the pain and maintain a bit of face. He employs his amazing powers of observation and fantastic pen and proceeds to belittle any kind of guy that may have thwarted and dating attempts after his break up and gets frustrated with girls that don't play by the script hes already written in his head of how it has to be or else it doesn't count or isn't valid. I'm guessing hes a bit of a control freak, like washing hands every half hour or so, always a bit over dressed, works in either an engineering or technical field, possibly law or political science (verbally technical). He's not as successful as he'd like to be and is harboring a lot of insecurities about that too (see his NY post).

Hes so used to being right that when there is something out of his control (like the feelings or workings of a girl) he has to essentially brow beat you with how ridiculous everything is and how silly you've been and why that's why you'll always stay single.

There is no hope to this voice, no love. None. I refute that. No good can come out of something void of love, no matter how much veracity or humor it may contain.

I would rather spend my days single and happy than coupled up and miserable, doomed to a lifetime of not-good-enough glares, comments and jokes from someone who operates from such dark places.

He, however, has some very good points;
I agree with all of his Facebook observations and courtesies.
Texting relationships are a joke.
Overly physically affectionate girl to girls is creepy. When I went to DC this last time my cousin's friends tried to make me feel welcome at dinner by feeling on my leg all night. WEIRDNESS.
Burberry Brit rocks (I've had it on and off for years).
Yes people should shower once a day.
Rings bigger than your knuckle should be thrown out multiple story windows.
There are A LOT of very silly girls out there. They should be thrown into the depths of finishing school immediately.
And yes, older YSA women can be petty and catty towards the munchkins that come in and out, but in all honesty, insecurity inducing guys like himself have made us this way. Society first creates criminals and then punishes them and the same principle is glaringly in play with modern YSA social dynamics. I do my best to befriend all the "spring chickens" because it's the right thing to do and my job as an "old hen". Being in a new place with new people is scary. It has NOTHING to do with teaching them good eating habits so that they can stay trim and fit for the peanut gallery. Its offensive to me that that assumption would even be out there.

In essence I kind of feel sorry for this guy and for the girls that take him seriously but I digress. There are too many wonderful and amazing things to get to. But that is my 2 cents on the matter.


Quixotic Healer said...

I think that critical behavior in general is hypocritical.

How can you complain about the behavior of someone else without your own becoming glaringly apparent?

That's why it has to be done in a clinical (and not personal) way if you want anyone to take you seriously. I think you did a good job where he, obviously, failed.

Also, the question comes to mind, why is he wasting time complaining about the kind of woman he doesn't want instead of trying to BE the kind of man that the kind of woman he does want, would want.

I had a few pointless crushes on people I wasn't suited to, people I could have had friendships with.

I've also had friendships with people I'd NEVER date, but really enjoy (e.g. Jake).

Does he honestly believe that his "type" is the good, the right, and the ONLY type?

Talk about arrogance.

(And look at me being critical! I'd better conclude.)

Ms. Liz said...

See!! It's a contagious slippery slope of negative self loathing. Boo - I was hoping a blog would be a good cathartic purging. I felt the need to stick up for myself too. I felt like a lump for 2 days after reading that. Less. Effective.