Heartbeats

I watched a movie once.

Amazing I know. Hard to believe but true.

It wasn't on any of the Academy's "To Watch" lists I'm sure but it wasn't horrible.

It was a bit of an estrogen filled story about mitigating bad luck and bad decisions by loving each other. There are many other stories along the same vein - and especially with southern accents and this one was no different.

Most of it was fairly forgettable but there is one dialogue that has stuck with me.

A side character of a single mother with a bunch of kids was desperately looking for a husband and one day found a guy. She thought he was the answer to prayer but it turns out it he was an abusive pedophile. Naturally the mother was beside herself with grief and regret and fear and without any answers. She comes out and sits on the front porch with the main character who is a single mother herself and had been dealt a very difficult deck and she asks

"what do I tell them when they ask why this happened to them?"

and the main character says

"you tell them that our lives can change with every breath we take.
We both know that.
And you tell them to let go of what's gone. 'Cause men like Roger Brisco never win. And tell them to hold on like hell to what they've got--
each other and a mother who would die for them...
and almost did.
You tell them we've all got meanness in us.
But we've got good in us too.
And the only thing worth livin' for is the good.
And that is why we've gotta make sure to pass it on."

I spent this weekend in Salt Lake with my two younger brothers and soon to be sister-in-law doing the last minute stuff for the wedding and doing my best to be a supportive sister. There is still a lot more to do and SO many more changes to come for me and my family. The more I inventory the schedule for the next 10 weeks or so its all I can do to not crawl up in a corner and sing primary songs to myself. And since we've officially adopted Murphy into the fold the more changes we get ready for the more changes we realize we need to make.

Jonathan is getting married

Nick is going on a mission

Chris is probably going to move back to Pasadena

I'm graduating from college

I'm applying to Grad school and desperately awaiting an answer

I might move back home to take care of my empty nested and still ill parents

I'm taking the GRE

I might be a college professor in 5 years (how freaking weird is that??!)

Good things are happening but they are also never going to be the same and I'm beginning to feel the loss.

Valuable experience and things are never easy. Being proven is not a day at the Pier.

But its always easier to talk about or watch a game than actually play one. I'm in the first quarter and feel pretty pooped.

Our lives can change with every breath we take - and that's a good thing.
It lets you love people better and your people love you more.

I guess I'm just doing my best to pass it on.