Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Inventory

Dear Mr. Lethargy,
Now I know we haven't been on speaking terms for a while. That's mostly my fault. It usually is when communication tapers off . But I have to be honest, your ever-looming presence isn't exactly what I would describe as welcome or appreciated. Frankly, its been hard not to declare you my nemesis. I have already declared my nemesis to be Purse-Dog Girls and I will not renege on that title. They offend me far more than you do - but you are up there with them. All being some of the most unwelcome visitors in my life. I am not happy with you being around so much. Not happy at all.

See Lethy-boy ---- I have a lot of stuff to get through. They're all on different categorized and prioritized lists of "Want to Do" and "Need to Do" and "Am Responsible for" and "Begrudgingly said Yes to" "Enthusiastically Said Yes To" "Have the God-Given Opportunity To Do" etc. They're labeled and color coded and my schedule is more like a simple set of deadlines now a days. I have goals. I have a system and a plan and a time table for all of it but whenever I find myself in your company it all gets complicated. Horribly complicated.
And you're getting sneaky too - you're coming at me in much different regalia than you used to. You have learned that I like to be productive. Its kind of hard wired into you if you've worked for Franklin Covey and have grown up in my family. So you disguise yourself as something that's busy - and as I am learning, but not productive. They often look like the same thing, busyness and productivity, sometimes they even feel like it but rarely ever produce the same results or emotional satisfaction. Its like frosting in celery shape. You think you're doing something good for you but you end up farther back from where you started. Its just horrible. And whats more is that you're still pretty charming and usually pretty funny but far from the mark that I want to hit.

That's just low man. Wiley and wrong if I were to title the condition. If we can't be honest with each other Lethy then I'm afraid we really are going to have to part ways. Yeah I mean it. Don't scoff! I'm talking here. I'm thinking permanently. Like move you to South Africa or The Iraq. I might even call my cousins Vinny and Guido (not Sarducci) to drive home the point. I'm quickly approaching DONE status. And there really is no going back after that. When I say I'm done - I mean it. Its a phrase I store in the rarely used glass case you need a key to get into. I keep it in there with "I'm in love with you" and "that's impossible" and "video games sound fun".

See - I've been thinking. And not just considering or understanding or processing - I've been thinking and I may be a slow learner, but when I finally get it, it never goes away and I get it. I finally understand that you (in whatever guise you choose that day - YouTube, shopping, toothaches, furniture rearranging, or low iron levels) is the big obstacle keeping me from what I really want and who I really want to be and what I want to be able to offer the world.

You should know by now Lethy! We've known each other a long time now. Probably since my early college days. You should know that I have a finishing complex. I have to see a finished product to feel satisfied about something. I have reserves of strength that I'm not completely aware of and that surprise me a lot. And I have great things I've committed to do in my allotted time and I just don't have any more of it to spare for you. For the first time in a long time I hear ticking. It doesn't scare me, it just reminds me. Reminds me of the lists and how you're not a true friend. You never were. You make me laugh sometimes and even give me stories to tell but you're not the person I'd call if my car breaks down or if the tear ducts won't stop leaking. And if I couldn't call you for that why would I call you at all? I shouldn't and I'm not going to. Not anymore.

So what do you have to say? Huh? What accounting can you possibly have for yourself? I'd venture none. So this is it man - I want my key back and my U2 CD - you could never truly appreciate them anyway.

3 comments:

Liz said...

Hey, I thought Mr. Lethargy was only seeing me! That two-timer! I'm going to dump him, and his cohort, Mr. Fried Food!

Mz. Liz said...

Well that just compounds the dysfunction and validates my decision. Thank you Liz:)

Quixotic Healer said...

Thanks, I needed to hear this.
Maybe Mr. Courage and Mr. Faith will come and help me get rid of my own Lethy boy ;)