Friday, August 31, 2007


Why do I find my self agreeing when people want to go bowling? It always seems like a good idea at the time and a lovely venture into suburban life. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I've ever been bowling and whenever people bring it up I think "well that doesn't sound so bad - maybe that will work...." But there is always something tugging in the back of my head - you know... Like when people try to schedule something and something else is tugging at you saying "you've got something going on that day, Don't agree. Don't commit" but you can't remember exactly what it is so you say "let me check my planner and see".

Well - the thing that I always forget about bowling is: I am TERRIBLE at it, its an unmitigated din inside one of those places, and I always, always, ALWAYS severely break a nail in a very painful way at one or multiple points in the evening.

(Not to mention the questionable bacterial content of rented bowling shoes and a very unpredictable cross section of patronage generally consisting of somewhat inebriated people or screaming teenagers. This is a factor anywhere in public so I don't really begrudge that too much but it still seems noteworthy.)

Last night was much like any other. We started it with Chinese food and Gatorade and we ended up on lane 33 at Brunswick. I had my shoes and we were doing the name-inputting thing and I was pulling on my numbered leather clad beauties and *WHAM*! My middle finger's nail popped off (below the fingertip mind you) and was flying through the air. As I watched it land and proceeded to suck the bloody mess my fingertip had just become a number of things happened. Firstly, I had to squash the urge to be a sissy girl and scream "I broke my nail!!" because

a) most people have fake nails and numbed receptors from acrylic overdose so they don't understand the millions of nerve endings that are currently making their presence known and

b) that most people don't get that your entire hand has officially become aesthetically offensive and the tragedy that is. And when you have hands that are less attractive like mine a good set is kind of important. Its like insta-Quasimodo status in the hand department. Bad. Very bad.

The second thing I realized, and slightly more important, is why I don't care for bowling. Because I'm bad at it, I have to wear silly shoes and I always leave damaged. Remind me again how this is fun? Why there are organized leagues? How people get sponsorships and write screenplays about the stuff? Because I just. don't. get it. Maybe because the shirts are sort of cute...

Ironically I got the highest score of my life on the first round - 135- and I got three strikes in a row. Strange - its true. Considering I just stood at the line and threw the ball most of the time. My thumb nail got ripped off half way through the second game but me and my 13lb yellow marbled wing man managed a 125. The cost was high and I remain to be won over but being with my friends is worth it and always has been. So if they love it, so do I. Nails grow back. I will get over it. When my fingers stop pulsating from the shock.


Hannah said...

Bowling! See, if it were just silly shoes I would be totally down...but they also want you to be involved in some kind of game. I bowled a twelve once. A TWELVE! There should be special footwear for Boggle, then maybe more people would want to play that instead. I'm sorry about your fingernail. When that happens to me I always shout "Oh my gosh I just broke a nail!" and then I feel a little sheepish, because hello! Cliche much? I should really learn to be tougher.

Liz said...

Ah, bowling! I've only been bowling three times, and each time I lost horribly, but had the best time.

So, I have fond bowling memories.

(Although, I'm the most non-competitive person in the world, so I usually try to stink at any game (so, don't be my partner in any competition if you like to win, cause I'll make us lose. (I feel real competition is of the devil.)))

Rachel said...

I love bowling. I think mostly because I am so bad at it. I know that I'm never going to have the best score so it's kind of a big joke to me. And you know how much I love a joke.
I hope that even though you don't like bowling you will still come to my wedding reception (when that actually happens). I've been planning on having it at a bowling alley for years! 1st dance on DDR. Bride and Groom bowling shirts. Nachos and root beer for dinner. I can't wait.

Mz. Liz said...

Rachel: I will bowl for your wedding - that actually crossed my mind when I was writing the piece. I though "but Rachel's reception....." And bowling is fun when no one cares - its just the chroinc pain compounded with humiliation and noise I think.

Liz: I TOTALLY agree - the best kind of games are when you're playing to play. For the experience. But if there is one competitive person in the mix it gets all messed up. So I'll totally be your partner and we can just have fun together in our little bubble. :)