Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Flacktoids and Fitness Orbs

There are some days when its all I can do to not uncontrollably laugh at myself. Well, that's most days now that I really think about it, but today is turning out to be a non-stop giggle fest. Why you ask? Well - it all started last week on a weight machine at the gym.

There I was in my coordinating yoga pants, obnoxious tee shirt, pigtail combo getting ready to lift some weights when up popped Mo. Yes- Mo. His name was Mo. He looked like a like dark Italian or Moroccan mix and his name was probably Mohamed or something equally cool. So there was Mo in all his smug-wearing-a-too-tight-trainer's-shirt glory and he started asking me "So what muscle group are you trying to work right now?" and all those other whizzbangs that they teach you in Training school apparently.

This is the third time I've been picked off of the weight floor by a trainer at three different gyms. Either I have a cry for help on the back of my shirt or I just look utterly ridiculous when I'm on a machine. But honestly - who doesn't? I dunno. Its become a source of entertainment at this point. My cousin is a body builder and a personal trainer and my other cousin is nutritionist so its not like I don't have people that I already consult. I think I have some idea as to what I might want to do or be doing. So I knew that I was just getting sold in an elongated and slightly condescending manner.

And we're back:

So I politely stopped my work out and stood up with one hand on a hip and listened to his pitch (I've been in sales. I know how it is. Practice is precious and dealing with mean people can poison a whole day). I wanted to be nice. Plus - I mean - his name is Mo. How many people do you know named Mo?

The conversation went something like this:

Mo: Hey there! What's going on? I'm Mo.

Me: Mo?

Mo: Yeah - Mo. I'm the training manager here and I've noticed you're on this machine a lot. Do you think it's a good part of an exercise program? You've been coming for a few weeks now right?

Me: About 6 months

Mo: Oh - right. Well ... Yeah - I'm here everyday and I think I've seen you try to work this machine. So - uh- what muscle group do you think you're targeting right now?

temporarily speechless from being slightly annoyed but highly entertained. So with a raised eyebrow and deciding to play along but wanting to keep it simple having no desire to enter a biology discussion with "The Mo" -

Me: (standing up) my legs

Mo: OK - yeah - I can see that (It was a quadriceps machine)........ well if you want to come over here I can show you some other exercises that might be better

(enter Nick)

Nick: Is everything all right over here?

Me: Mo this is my brother Nick.

Mo: Good to meet you (shakes hands - but like the boy sizing each other up shake not the good-to-meet-you-shake) .......... so you guys seem pretty close. How long have you been friends?

Me: Mo this is my brother Nick -

Mo: Oh. Right ...... well do you want to come over to the mat and I can show you some stuff?

So after Nick came over with the endearingly sweet "Is there problem here?!" look and posture going on, *Gotta love protective brothers* we both got conned into letting him "work us out" for a bit. We found a few exercise balls and were reminded how out of shape we both still are and then we made appointment for a "full session" - to be further reminded. Yay and double yay. :D

That appointment was yesterday.

And today I can't walk.

Well ---- I can but its an effort and I think my legs and or abs might give out at any given time. So every muscle pain twinge I feel I just laugh. I mean, what else can you do? All we did was a bunch of different squats and leg lifts, mat work for the most part and it was only half an hour long but I feel like I got out of a 4 hour water polo practice. And then ran home.

So I've officially been "taken to the next level" and should be ready to "see some major results". Thanks Mo! It was awesome.


Liz said...

Oh, you brave, brave woman!

So, are you seeing "The Mo" again?

Ms. Liz said...

Well in passing I'm sure but in the "I'm a trainer and you're fluffy" kind of way no. Training sessions are like 30 bucks a pop and its mostly to have someone counting down for you. Thats what brothers are for.